Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize