Im at strip club and am horny
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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