Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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