Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
