So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
