honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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