It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I didn't notice because vodka
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
