TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
