There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
