he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
