I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize