you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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