I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
