hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
from now on my penis is your penis
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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