I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I looked at my own cervix.
Fuck appropriateness.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
