She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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