I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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