I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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