Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
