Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize