if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
