Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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