TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
