His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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