I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
