I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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