I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
