I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
