there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
