OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
