She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
