We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
