there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
