soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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