he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
