Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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