he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
