i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
