I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
