i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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