new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
