It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
