So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
