yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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