I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
