party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
