Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drake has all the answers
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
