apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
