im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
