I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
