you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
