I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
