I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize