I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
