I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
