We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
