I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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