Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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