I'm so fucking centered right now
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
