I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
